Step by step to divorce – separation year, procedure and joint children

A divorce takes place through the application of one or both spouses and through a court order. For this, among other things, a divorce petition must be filed with the family court, the separation year must be gone through and important issues must be clarified. The exact course of the divorce is determined by how the spouses deal with each other.

The most important at a glance

• The separation year is intended as a period of reflection for the couple. The shortening of the separation year is only permitted in special cases
• Amicable divorces take less time and cost less. Contentious divorces often drag on for a long time and can be very nerve-wracking
• The petition for divorce is filed by the petitioner, i.e. the spouse wishing to divorce. With the help of a notary, the equalisation of pensions can be excluded or made more specific.
• The possible aspects of a divorce settlement agreement include, for example, maintenance, custody of the joint children, the procedure with joint assets or also the continuation of the joint family name.
• A divorce should be openly communicated with children in order to give them clarity. A conflict of loaylity for the child should be avoided at all costs.
• The law no longer requires grounds for divorce since 1977. The most common grounds for divorce include infidelity, violence in the relationship or quarrels

The separation year – the legal requirements

Marriage and the family are regarded as one of the most important social institutions in the legal system. The separation year is therefore intended to act as a preventive measure against possibly wrong, purely emotional and only temporary decisions that could be regretted afterwards. Even if the separation year is seen by many married couples as harassment or pure burden, the intention behind the regulation is clear. The decision should be able to be reviewed and possibly revised in the given time. In addition, the time is useful to take care of some things that are important for the further course of the divorce, such as the divorce settlement agreement.

Although there is an obligation to prove that the separation year has been completed, it is not possible to apply to the court for the beginning of the year or to have it notarised. It therefore makes sense to record the beginning in writing. A shortening or even a complete omission of the separation year can only be brought about by a hardship decision of the court according to § 1565 paragraph 2. An example for such a decision can be extreme domestic violence, which the court classifies as undue hardship.

• The separation year should be considered as a reflection period for the couple
• Shortening the separation year is only permissible in special cases

Contentious or amicable divorce – the initial question before divorce

The family court generally decides whether a divorce is amicable or contested. If a divorce is amicable between the two spouses, the divorce proceedings are very simple. If the separation year is completed, only the divorce and the pension equalization, which is usually carried out ex officio, must be decided. In such a case, one lawyer is sufficient for both spouses, which saves enormous divorce costs. Often even an online divorce for the spouses offers itself, whereby the time expenditure is enormously minimized and the costs are kept low. An amicable divorce can be greatly favoured by a divorce settlement agreement, which is already drawn up by the spouses during the separation year.

If there is a contested divorce, both spouses are required to be represented by their own attorneys. This increases the divorce costs for both parties enormously. The proceedings in contested divorces usually take longer than in amicable divorces and involve higher costs.

• Amicable divorces last shorter and cost less
• Contentious divorces often drag on for long periods of time and can be very nerve-wracking

The procedure – divorce petition and pension rights adjustment

Regardless of whether a divorce is amicable or contested, the petitioner, i.e. the spouse seeking a divorce or his or her law firm, files the petition for divorce with the competent family court after the end of the separation year. This petition shows whether the divorce is contentious or amicable. If it is disputed due to consequential matters (with the exception of pension equalisation), further applications concerning, for example, maintenance, are also submitted with the divorce petition.

In the next step, the court formally serves the other spouse, i.e. the respondent, with the divorce petition and, if applicable, the petitions on the subsequent matters. In the case of amicable divorces, it is now up to the respondent to inform the court that the information in the petition is correct and to declare that he or she will consent to the separation. In contested divorces, it is usually the respondent’s solicitor who takes a position on the divorce petition and the consequential matters.

In most divorces, the equalisation of pensions must be carried out by the family courts. This regulates the entitlements and prospects of a pension due to old age or reduced earning capacity that the spouses have acquired during the marriage. Marriages of up to three years must apply for pension equalisation, all others can exclude it before the notary or structure it more closely. If such equalisation is carried out, the spouses must fill in the forms required by the court, sign them and send them to the family court within a time limit. The court then sends these forms to the pension providers in order to clarify the claims to a pension that arose during the marriage.

In the case of amicable divorces, the divorce date is agreed after the forms have been received. Disputed divorces must clarify the subsequent matters in advance, otherwise the divorce date may be postponed further and further.

• The petition for divorce is filed by the petitioner, i.e. the spouse who wishes to divorce.
• With the help of a notary, the pension equalization can be excluded or more closely structured.

The divorce settlement agreement – the content and the regulations

In a divorce settlement agreement, all things concerning the marriage and the divorce can be regulated. In general, this agreement regulates how joint assets, joint children or similar things will be dealt with after the divorce. It is attempted to clarify all points that are normally settled during the divorce in advance, in order to make the divorce as simple as possible. To a divorce succession agreement belong in detail things like the maintenance. Here, both the separation maintenance for the period from the separation to the divorce and the post-marital spousal maintenance for the period after the divorce can be regulated.

The divorce settlement agreement also regulates the custody of joint children, their maintenance and, if necessary, the right of access for the non-caring parent. In addition, the divorce settlement agreement will specify how joint assets, such as the joint home or household effects, are to be dealt with. Other possible points of a divorce settlement agreement are the agreements on the equalisation of gains, exclusion of the legal matrimonial property regime of the community of gains and agreement on the separation of property, the waiver of the right to inheritance and the right to a compulsory portion and the continuation of the joint family name.

• The divorce settlement agreement attempts to settle all possible points of dispute in advance of the divorce in order to make the divorce as simple as possible.
• The possible aspects of a divorce settlement agreement include, for example, maintenance, custody of the joint children, the procedure with joint assets or also the continuation of the joint family name.

Divorce with children – communication and the conflict of loyalties

The divorce should be openly communicated by the parents with the children. This is best done in an open conversation before the divorce, where the children have the opportunity to ask questions and have enough time to adjust to the situation. Presenting children with a fait accompli only leads to lasting confusion and lots of unanswered questions. Such a conversation is also necessary for children who are already old enough to suspect a separation through previous behaviour, as otherwise unanswered questions remain and loyalty conflicts may arise. Openness is very important in this situation to avoid disputes and ambiguities.

No matter how much the parents quarrel or how great the resentment towards the ex-partner is, the children must not get these disputes. If the children are dragged into the argument, it often leads to a conflict of loyalty for the child. However, there are many things that parents do unknowingly during a divorce that can lead to such conflict for children. Secrecy about what to do, pushing for decisions, or defaming the other in their absence can have disastrous effects on the child’s emotional well-being. Both parents should therefore remain neutral towards the child and avoid statements against the other partner in any case.

• Divorce should be communicated openly with children to give them clarity
• A conflict of loaylity for the child should be avoided at all costs.

The grounds for divorce – not required by law

The law specifies many things when it comes to divorce. However, since 1977 married couples no longer have to state a reason for divorce in order to be able to divorce. The principle of guilt was replaced here by the principle of disruption. However, the legislator specifies a separation year. Before married couples can get divorced, they must go through a separation year, during which the couple is separated but still remains married. This year is to protect against hasty decisions and purely emotional whims and to preserve the principle of marriage. Only in cases of special hardship, the separation year can be omitted.

There are many different reasons to end a marriage. In each case, the reasons are different and the individual situation of the couple plays a huge role. For some, certain reasons are cause for separation while for others they are not really a reason. However, in most cases it boils down to similar problems. The most common reasons for separation include infidelity, violence in the relationship, arguments or lack of commitment.

• The law no longer requires a reason for divorce since 1977
• The most common reasons for divorce include infidelity, violence in the relationship or quarrels.

Divorce: guide, help and tips

Divorce is complex, it’s true. But you are not alone! Many let themselves separate and in fact, a large part always finds a good solution. Only a small part ends in a quarrel. So that you can prepare well, you will find here our small guides and tips on divorce, family, money and real estate.

• Divorce: Guide

Separation and divorce – the reasons for ending a relationship

End a relationship or marriage is always difficult. The law also lays down some rules that do not make the process easier. The law does not specify reasons for divorce, but what are the reasons to end a marriage and what are the top 10 reasons for divorce in Germany?

• Tip. Our guide for house and apartment: Selling real estate after divorce.

The most important at a glance:

• Since 1977, the law no longer requires grounds for divorce…
• In every relationship there are different problems that can lead to a separation or a divorce
• Common reasons for divorce are infidelity, violence, differences of opinion, drugs, constriction or the lack of common interests.
• The decision to divorce should never be taken lightly
• Talking and working together on the relationship can help save the marriage and overcome the difficulties

Legally valid grounds for divorce – the law in divorces

The law specifies many things when it comes to divorce. However, since 1977 married couples no longer have to state a reason for divorce in order to be able to divorce. The principle of guilt was replaced here by the principle of disruption. However, the legislator specifies a separation year. Before married couples can get divorced, they must go through a separation year, during which the couple is separated but still remains married. This year is to protect against hasty decisions and purely emotional whims and to preserve the principle of marriage. Only in cases of special hardship, the separation year can be omitted.

The grounds for divorce – infidelity, violence and disputes.

There are many different reasons to end a marriage. In each case, the reasons are different and the individual situation of the couple plays a huge role. For some, certain reasons are cause for separation while for others they are not really a reason. In most cases, however, it boils down to similar problems.

Why do women get divorced?

According to a survey by Brigitte magazine, life goals in particular are the reason for divorce. Of 43,000 women, almost 32 percent named different ideas about the future as the main reason. “We’ve grown apart,” they often say succinctly. Place 2 occupies the infidelity with 29.2 per cent. Here affairs of the partner are decisive as a reason for divorce. 10.9 percent of respondents named constant quarreling, bickering and bickering as the main reason for divorcing their husbands, which is thus the third most common reason.

1. Life goals
3. Controversy

Cheating and infidelity – lack of trust in the relationship

Trust is known to be one of the most important prerequisites in a relationship. However, this can be destroyed by infidelity. In monogamous relationships, infidelities are one of the most common reasons for separation. For some, a single slip means the end of the relationship, while others are willing to talk about what happened. Such conversations can bring up issues that were not brought up before and problems can be sorted out. Depending on the situation, such conversations can give a relationship new hope and a second chance can lead to a happy ending.

However, the cheating should not be taken lightly in any case and should be considered by both partners as the first problem in the relationship. In many cases, such a fling means the end of the relationship.

Addiction and drugs – a burden on coexistence

Addiction and substance abuse can become a problem in many relationships and a reason for separation. Often partners of addicts are co-dependent and unknowingly support their partner’s unhealthy behavior. Such relationships are extremely unhealthy for both parts of the relationship. In any case, outside help should be sought and the problems worked through. Depending on the case, this can be done together as a couple or individually after the divorce. Support from outside or an own insight are the first important steps to get out of this cycle.

Violence in relationships – unhealthy relationship with each other

Violence in relationships can take many different forms. This ranges from physical violence in any form to psychological violence in the form of condescending comments or insults. In such relationships, it is important to seek outside help and find a confidant to help one out of this difficult situation. In any case, such behavior constitutes grounds for separation and should not be taken lightly. Violence in relationships counts as a hardship case in most cases and can even be cited as grounds for a hardship divorce, which means that the separation year does not have to be observed. Learn more about hardship divorce!

Constriction of the partner – pressure in the relationship

Constrictions in relationships happen very often and are often exercised unnoticed by the people involved. These include, for example, a strong form of jealousy or small tricks that prevent the other partner from organizing their own leisure time. This behaviour often comes from fears of abandonment or a feeling of inferiority. Such problems should be openly adressed and discussed in relationships. Through such discussions, the partner’s anxiety can be relieved and the behavior may improve. If this is not the case, the relationship can become a constricting place that is unhealthy for both partners. In such a case, the situation is definitely grounds for separation!

No common denominator – lack of common ground

These problems often arise when the couple gets into the daily grind and the rose-red glasses slowly disappear. In such situations, couples realize that they actually have nothing in common. Neither political attitudes nor hobbies, eating habits or even the circle of friends. Lack of common interests can become a big problem and cause arguments. To what extent this burden is a reason for separation, however, must be decided individually in each situation. For a while, such lack of common ground can be concealed with a lot of tolerance and love, but the question remains whether the relationship has a long-term future.

Lack of physicality – the attraction is gone

Physicality is very important in relationships and speaks not only of love, but also of a desire for each other. If the tenderness in relationships become scarce, the question remains open how much feelings and attraction are still present in the relationship. Through conversations and joint work, relationships can often be saved and also the physical desires rekindle, but the lack of physicality can certainly become a serious problem and also a reason for separation.

Ranking – the most frequent reasons for separation in Germany

After we have looked at the various reasons for separation and the requirements of the legislator, the only question that remains is which are the most common reasons for separation in Germany and how many marriages are actually divorced in Germany.

Lack of commitment

Lack of commitment is one of the most common reasons for separation in Germany. After some time, couples drift apart, love turns into friendship and the commitment to maintain and work on the marriage is missing.

Infidelity

Infidelity is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Already unhappy relationships were finally shattered by the cheating and divorce was the last resort for the couple. In such cases, however, the separation is usually the best for both parties, because the relationship was already falling apart before the infidelity.

Disputes are often not fully resolved in relationships due to communication problems and thus keep resurfacing. The constant arguing changes the feelings towards the other person and the positive atmosphere of the relationship gradually deteriorates. Divorce is the best solution for the couple.

Married too young

The topic of age plays a role for many. Especially during the twenties, people’s feelings and personalities change and go through a transformation. Relationships often break down due to such a change, because common interests disappear or too few commonalities remain. The trend towards marriage gradually shifts to the age of late twenties, early thirties.

Finance

Money problems in relationships often lead to arguments. If these accumulate, the finances quickly become a major issue in the relationship and can become a reason for separation. Often, these arguments are only part of the problems, but ultimately bring the barrel to overflow.

Drugs

Substance abuse presents a difficult issue in relationships, especially when only one partner is affected. These problems are often not the sole reason for divorce, but depending on the case, they can become too much of a strain on the relationship.

Violence

Violence in relationships, be it psychological or physical is grounds for separation and even warrants a hardship case in court. Any kind of violence should not be tolerated in relationships and should be grounds for divorce.

Health problems

Health problems cause debt and pain, and especially prevent one partner from doing their part in the relationship. Illnesses can make relationships stronger and make the partners a team, but they can just as easily cause the relationship to break down from the strain. An illness is often a reason for separation in marriages and relationships.

Lack of family support

The family is an important pillar in life for many people. It is therefore just as important that one’s partner gets along well with the family and, in the best case, is integrated into it. If disputes arise at this point and there are conflicts between partner and family, this can become a burden for the relationship. The family is therefore also often a reason for the breakup of a relationship.

The number of marriages in Germany in 2018 was 449,466, according to the Federal State Office. In comparison, the divorce rate in 2018 was 32.94%, which means about 0.3 divorces for every one marriage.

Divorce: guide, help and tips

Divorce is complex, it’s true. But you are not alone! Many let themselves separate and in fact, a large part always finds a good solution. Only a small part ends in a quarrel. So that you can prepare well, you will find here our small guides and tips on divorce, family, money and real estate.

• Divorce: Guide